Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
