Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
