plz talk dirty to me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
