Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
