just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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