I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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