If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
