she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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