Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
