Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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