cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
