remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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