I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
