My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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