moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
