I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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