Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
