But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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