just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
