i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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