I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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