i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
