seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
