i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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