we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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