I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
