Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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