How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
