it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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