I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How does one acquire holy water?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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