Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
