and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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