My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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