Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
