I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Pants are for mortals
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
