dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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