This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
