she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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