You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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