My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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