what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
