sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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