No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
