By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
