I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
