Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
