Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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