sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for