My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???