I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
