There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?