On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
