Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.

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(216): you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently. http://tfl.nu/85of

Replies (7) Good night (3594) Bad night (521)
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(850): View more from Florida

You drinking a lot?

(1-850): View more from Florida

No.

(1-850): View more from Florida

Define a lot

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(850): You drinking a lot? (1-850): No. (1-850): Define a lot http://tfl.nu/heqj

Replies (15) Good night (2956) Bad night (507)
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(425): View more from Washington

I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.

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(425): I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well. http://tfl.nu/ht79

Replies (9) Good night (1144) Bad night (3662)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

you were grabbing cocks left and right

(808): View more from Hawaii

you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"

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(808): you were grabbing cocks left and right (808): you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!" http://tfl.nu/iaqo

Replies (10) Good night (5136) Bad night (822)
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(818): View more from California

I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

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(818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me

Replies (19) Good night (6887) Bad night (751)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.

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(724): i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here. http://tfl.nu/fq3k

Replies (5) Good night (1142) Bad night (3447)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?

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(401): I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper? http://tfl.nu/78fg

Replies (2) Good night (968) Bad night (2447)
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(731): View more from Tennessee

What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?

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(731): What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry? http://tfl.nu/iiar

Replies (32) Good night (1480) Bad night (4775)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.

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(970): I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting. http://tfl.nu/e4bo

Replies (11) Good night (849) Bad night (2442)
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(214): View more from Texas

There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.

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(214): There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ecsp

Replies (13) Good night (2809) Bad night (708)
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(206): View more from Washington

I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.

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(206): I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems. http://tfl.nu/rm1a

Replies (2) Good night (231) Bad night (359)
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(+34): View more from Spain

Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?

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(+34): Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band? http://tfl.nu/qwzc

Replies (0) Good night (444) Bad night (167)
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(206): View more from Washington

I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug

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(206): I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug http://tfl.nu/jw7j

Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (176)
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(760): View more from California

I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.

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(760): I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube. http://tfl.nu/kpp6

Replies (6) Good night (484) Bad night (210)
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(518): View more from New York

So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me

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(518): So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me http://tfl.nu/ljyq

Replies (1) Good night (465) Bad night (172)

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