i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"