Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
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I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
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i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
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