there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
what day is it and did you see me today?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
