You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
