Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
