It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
