I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
