on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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