so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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