4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
