Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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