It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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