i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
