I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
