this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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