see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
