I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
