I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
