Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
