maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
