someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
