FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
