I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
