woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
